Can grief last forever?
One of the questions I am often asked, either directly or indirectly, is: “Will I always feel this way?”
When we lose someone important (it can be a person or a pet) to us, grief can feel overwhelming, confusing, and sometimes frightening. Many people worry that if they are still grieving months or even years later, something is wrong. They may wonder whether they should have “moved on” by now or whether their sadness means they are stuck.
Through my work as a Gestalt practitioner, I have come to understand that grief does not follow a set timeline. There is no correct way to grieve, and there is no point at which a person is expected to simply stop missing someone they find important or they love. Grief is not something we complete and leave behind. Instead, it is something we gradually learn to carry and integrate into our lives.
When we lose someone significant, we do not just lose a person. We lose shared experiences, routines, hopes, and parts of the life we knew. The relationship we had with that person continues to shape who we are, even after they are no longer physically present.
This is why I do not believe that healing means forgetting someone or letting go of the connection we had with them. Many people find comfort in continuing an inner relationship with the person who has died by remembering them, talking about them, carrying forward their values, or allowing their influence to remain part of their lives. Have you ever noticed a robin that seems to be sitting there and trying to communicate with you?
Grief is not a sign that we are failing to move forward. Often, it is a reflection of the love and/or the meaning that existed within the relationship.
Grief changes over time
Although grief can last a lifetime, it rarely stays the same. In the early stages of loss, grief may feel constant and consuming. You might experience exhaustion. Over time, the intensity often changes. There may be moments of sadness alongside moments of joy, connection, laughter, and hope.
Many people feel guilty when they experience happiness after a loss, as though enjoying life means they are leaving the person behind. However, grief and love can walk hand in hand with new experiences. Being able to feel joy again does not reduce the importance of the person who has died.
Grief is not a straight path. There may be times when you feel you are adapting well, followed by moments when the loss feels suddenly painful again. Anniversaries, memories, life changes, or meaningful events can bring grief back to the surface. This does not mean you are going backwards. It is a natural part of living with loss.
Finding your own way through grief
In my Gestalt practice, I see grief as something that needs space, awareness, and compassion. Rather than trying to remove painful feelings, therapy offers an opportunity to gently explore them.
Sometimes there are things left unsaid, unresolved emotions, regrets, or questions that remain after someone dies. Creating space to acknowledge these experiences can help people feel more at peace with their loss. Do “what if” questions ring a bell?
Gestalt therapy focuses on becoming more aware of what is happening in the present moment by noticing thoughts, emotions, memories, and physical sensations associated with grief. By bringing these experiences into awareness, people can begin to understand their grief in their own way and find what feels meaningful for them.
For some people, this may involve talking about memories. For others, creative approaches such as writing, imagery, drawing, or exploring feelings through the body can offer a different way to express what words cannot always translate.
Everyone grieves differently
There is no single way to grieve, and this is especially important to recognise when working with people who experience the world differently.
Some people express grief openly through emotions and conversation. Others may experience grief through changes in behaviour, routines, energy levels, sensory experiences, or a need for more time and space. All of these responses can be valid expressions of loss.
My approach is to meet each person where they are, without judgment or expectations about how grief “should” look.
Can grief last forever?
Yes, grief can remain with us throughout our lives, and that does not mean we will always feel the same pain we felt at the beginning.
Over time, grief often becomes intertwined in our story. The loss remains significant, and alongside it, we can rediscover connection, purpose, relationships, and moments of meaning.
Healing does not mean forgetting. It does not mean no longer caring. It means finding a way to live with the love, memories, and changes that the loss has brought.
In my work, I aim to provide a compassionate and accepting space where people can explore their grief at their own pace. Together, we can make room for the pain of loss while also discovering new possibilities for connection, growth, and living fully alongside the memories of those who matter.