Beyond labels and diagnoses: understanding the whole you
Have you ever felt that a diagnosis explains something about you, but somehow it does not explain everything?
Perhaps you have received a diagnosis of autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia or another neurodevelopmental condition.
Perhaps you have wondered whether you may be neurodivergent and started recognising parts of yourself in the experiences of others, in articles or books.
Or perhaps you have never considered a diagnosis at all, but have spent years wondering why certain things seem easier for other people, while other things seem to come more naturally to you.
You may have spent years feeling different.
You may have been told that you are too sensitive, too emotional, too distracted, too quiet, too intense, too disorganised, too difficult, or simply not trying hard enough.
You may have learnt to adapt.
You may have learnt to hide or to mask.
You may have learnt to watch others carefully and work out what you were supposed to do, how you were supposed to behave, and what you were supposed to say.
And perhaps, somewhere along the way, you began to ask yourself:
"What is wrong with me?"
But what if the more helpful question is not what is wrong with me?
What if it is:
"What has my experience been, and what do I need?"
A diagnosis can provide valuable information. It can bring recognition, understanding and sometimes relief.
But a diagnosis is not the whole story.
You are more than a label, a list of symptoms, or a diagnostic report.
Understanding neurodivergence
Neurodivergence is a general term used to describe differences in the way people think, process information, communicate, experience emotions and interact with the world around them.
It can include conditions such as autism and ADHD, as well as other forms of neurological difference.
But neurodivergence does not look the same for everyone and is not experienced in the same way.
Two people can have the same diagnosis and experience the world in completely different ways.
One person may find social situations exhausting, while another may enjoy them but struggle with sensory environments.
One person may experience difficulties with organisation and time, while another may develop highly effective strategies that help them manage these challenges.
Someone may have several diagnoses.
Someone may have been asked to select between two diagnoses due to financial considerations, even if they are both clinically valid.
Someone else may identify certain characteristics but may not obtain a formal diagnosis due to personal, financial, or logistical considerations.
Someone may spend years adapting their behaviour so successfully that other people never see how much effort it takes. How exhausting it is.
You may appear to be coping.
You may be functioning.
You may be achieving.
But inside, you may be exhausted.
The hidden experience of coping
Many people become incredibly skilled at appearing as though everything is fine.
You may have learnt how to copy the behaviour of people around you.
You may carefully and secretly rehearse conversations.
You may think about where to look, what to say, when to speak, when to stop speaking, how to respond and how you are being perceived.
You may push through sensory discomfort.
You may ignore tiredness.
You may continue when your body is telling you to stop.
You may become a perfectionist because mistakes feel unsafe or overwhelming.
You may people-please because keeping others happy feels easier than dealing with conflict or rejection.
You may have become so good at coping that people around you do not realise how much energy it takes.
And perhaps you have become so used to coping that you no longer recognise how exhausted you really are.
What can a diagnosis offer?
For some people, receiving a diagnosis can be an incredibly important moment.
It can provide a sense of recognition.
It can help explain experiences that have previously felt confusing or misunderstood.
You may look back at your childhood and suddenly see things differently.
You may begin to understand why some aspects of school were challenging.
Why friendships felt complicated.
Why certain environments left you completely exhausted.
Why you needed more recovery time than other people.
Why some things that seemed simple for others required enormous effort from you.
A diagnosis can sometimes help you find appropriate support, reasonable adjustments and strategies that are more suited to the way you experience the world.
For some people, there can be relief in finally having a name for something they have struggled to explain.
But diagnosis can also bring difficult emotions.
You may look back at your whole life with a new lense.
You may feel relieved, sad, angry, confused or even overwhelmed.
You may wonder:
"What does this mean for me now?"
"Has this always been part of who I am?"
"Why did nobody notice before?"
"Would my life have been different if I had understood this earlier?"
These questions can take time to process.
And it is important to remember:
A diagnosis does not change who you are.
It may change the way you understand yourself.
But you remain you.
What if you don't have a diagnosis?
You may be considering an assessment and a GP might be a good starting point.
You may be waiting for one.
You may not have access to an assessment.
Or you may simply be unsure whether receiving a diagnosis is right for you.
You may have recognised traits associated with autism, ADHD or another form of neurodivergence, but you may not know whether you meet the diagnostic criteria.
You may also worry that without a formal diagnosis, your experiences are somehow less valid.
They are not.
How can therapy help?
Therapy can provide a space to explore what you are experiencing without needing to begin with a label.
You might explore:
- What situations feel particularly difficult for you;
- What happens when you become overwhelmed;
- How you process information;
- How you experience and express emotions;
- Whether particular sounds, lights, textures or environments affect you;
- What helps you feel calm and regulated;
- What leaves you feeling exhausted;
- How you experience relationships;
- How much energy you spend adapting to other people;
- What strategies you have developed to cope;
- What your strengths are;
- What you need from the people around you.
You do not have to have everything worked out before you begin exploring yourself.
When labels become overwhelming
Sometimes a diagnosis can bring understanding.
Sometimes, however, it can feel as though you have become a collection of labels.
Autism (Autism - NHS)
ADHD (ADHD - NHS)
Anxiety (Anxiety - NHS)
Depression (Depression - NHS)
Trauma (PTSD - NHS)
Sensory difficulties (Sensory difference - NHS)
Executive functioning challenges (Executive functioning - NHS)
Each term may describe something about your experience.
But none of these words can describe you in your entirety.
You are a person with a history, relationships, emotions, hopes, fears, strengths, difficulties, preferences and dreams.
You are not simply a diagnosis.
You are not a list of things that you find difficult.
And you are certainly not a problem that needs to be fixed.
Looking at the whole you
When we try to understand your experiences, it can be helpful to look at the whole picture.
Your thoughts.
Your emotions.
Your body.
Your nervous system.
Your relationships.
Your environment.
Your experiences growing up.
Your experiences of school, work and relationships.
The expectations that have been placed upon you.
The ways you have learnt to cope.
For example, perhaps social situations feel exhausting.
It may be helpful to explore neurodivergent traits, but there may also be other things happening.
Perhaps you have experienced rejection.
Perhaps you have been bullied.
Perhaps you have spent years worrying about getting things wrong.
Perhaps you are constantly monitoring how other people perceive you.
Perhaps you are exhausted from masking (Masking and identity).
Perhaps you simply have not had enough opportunities to be yourself.
The same behaviour can have very different meanings depending on the person and their circumstances.
This is why I believe it is important to be curious about the whole person, rather than making assumptions based on a diagnosis.
How I can support you as a therapist
As a therapist, I can offer you a space where you do not have to explain everything perfectly.
You do not have to arrive knowing exactly what is happening.
You do not have to have a diagnosis.
And you do not have to prove that your challenges are "bad enough" to deserve support.
Therapy can provide an opportunity to slow things down and begin exploring your experiences at your own pace.
Together, we can explore what life feels like for you.
What feels difficult?
What feels overwhelming?
What leaves you exhausted?
What helps?
What do you need?
What have you been carrying for a long time?
We can explore emotions such as anxiety, frustration, anger, sadness, shame, loneliness or overwhelm.
We can explore relationships, boundaries, communication and self-esteem.
We can explore masking, people-pleasing, perfectionism and the pressure you may have placed upon yourself to fit in.
We can look at the strategies you have developed throughout your life.
Some of these strategies may have helped you survive challenging situations.
Some may have helped you feel accepted.
Some may no longer be serving you.
Therapy can provide a safe space to understand why you developed these strategies before deciding whether you want to change them.
If you have a diagnosis, we can explore what that diagnosis means to you.
Not what someone else says it should mean.
But what it means within the context of your own life.
If you do not have a diagnosis, we can still explore the experiences that have brought you to therapy.
The focus does not have to be on finding a label.
It can be about understanding you.
Therapy can also help you develop strategies around emotional regulation, boundaries, self-compassion, communication and coping with situations that feel overwhelming.
Sometimes, it may simply be about having somewhere to say:
"I'm finding this really difficult."
And having someone listen.
Beyond a one-size-fits-all approach
There can sometimes be pressure to fit people into familiar categories.
Once a diagnosis has been given, it can be tempting to assume that we know what that person needs.
But people are not identical simply because they share a diagnosis.
Your experience is unique to you.
Your strengths are unique to you.
Your challenges are unique to you.
Your needs are unique to you.
A neurodiversity-informed approach can therefore ask:
"What does this particular person need?"
Rather than focusing only on what appears challenging or different, there can also be space to explore your strengths, interests, preferences and the things that make you feel most like yourself.
This does not mean ignoring genuine difficulties.
It does not mean pretending that everything is positive.
It means recognising that support should be responsive to the individual.
You are more than your diagnosis
Perhaps you have spent years trying to understand yourself.
Perhaps you have spent years trying to fit in.
Perhaps you have become exhausted from trying to be the person you think other people need you to be.
Perhaps you are beginning to ask yourself what it would feel like to simply be you.
A diagnosis may be part of your story.
It may provide language.
It may provide understanding.
It may help you access support.
But it does not define your personality, your relationships, your abilities, your hopes or your future.
You do not have to wait for a diagnosis before asking for help.
You do not have to fit neatly into a category to be taken seriously.
And you do not have to understand everything about yourself before you begin therapy.
Perhaps the more important question is not simply:
"What is the diagnosis?"
Perhaps it is:
"Who am I, what has my experience been, and what would help me feel more comfortable being myself?"
Understanding yourself can begin with a diagnosis.
It can begin without one.
It can begin somewhere in between.
The label may be part of your story.
It is not the whole story.
Interested in books for young adults and adults?
Autism
ADHD
A gentle reminder: Books and self-help resources can provide information and practical ideas, but they are not a substitute for individual assessment or therapy.